067-a-parent-who-can-apologize-gives-the-child-the-right-to-heal
Many parents never apologize to their children in their entire lives.
They can be polite to outsiders.
They can admit mistakes at work.
They can follow manners in social relationships.
But in front of their children, they find it very hard to say, “I am sorry.”
Because in their minds,
if parents apologize, they lose authority.
They fear the child will become arrogant.
They fear the child will no longer accept discipline.
They fear that once they admit a mistake, the child will bring up old wounds.
They fear that the position of parent will become unstable.
But the truth is exactly the opposite.
A parent who never apologizes
does not become more authoritative.
He only becomes less trustworthy.
The child learns:
Parents can hurt me,
but they do not need to face consequences.
Parents can demand that I admit mistakes,
but they themselves never need to admit any.
Parents can say I am immature,
but they never need to understand my feelings.
Such a relationship will not produce true respect.
It will only produce fear, silence, distance, and coldness.
Apology is not the failure of authority.
Apology is the repair of relationship.
Apology is not a parent bowing down to a child.
It is a parent returning to the position of being human.
When parents apologize, the child sees for the first time:
Adults can also admit mistakes.
Harm does not have to be buried forever.
A relationship does not have to remain broken once it is damaged.
A powerful person can also sincerely face his own problems.
This is extremely important for a child.
Because what children learn from parents is not only rules,
but also how to face mistakes, handle conflict, and repair relationships.
A parent who can apologize
teaches the child a high-level civilized capacity:
People may make mistakes, but they must not avoid them forever.
Relationships may be wounded, but they do not have to remain broken.
Power may go out of control, but it must be restrained again.
Love may hurt, but through sincerity it can return to love.
A true apology is not perfunctory.
It is not “Fine, fine, I was wrong, okay?”
It is not “I apologize, but you also have problems.”
It is not “If you feel hurt, then I apologize.”
It is not apologizing just to make the child shut up.
A true apology contains several parts:
I acknowledge what I did.
I acknowledge that it harmed you.
I will no longer hide it behind “for your own good.”
I am willing to understand how you felt.
I am willing to take responsibility for change.
Only this kind of apology has the power to repair.
Many children do not need their parents to have been perfect.
They need their parents to finally be willing to say:
“At that time, I truly hurt you.”
Once this sentence is spoken,
the pain frozen inside the child for many years may begin to loosen.
Because he finally knows that his pain was not an illusion.
His grievance was not weakness.
His memory was not slander.
His wound has finally been recognized.
A parent who can apologize gives the child the right to heal.
And gives the family the possibility of beginning again.
Family civilization is not a family without harm.
It is a family where, after harm occurs, someone is willing to take responsibility, someone is willing to repair, and someone is willing to bring love back into the relationship.